Blade - Trinity review by The Grim Ringler

I suppose we have all had friends that we used to think were really cool. They said the stuff we wish we’d said, they wear the stuff we know we’d never look good in, and they get all the action when we’re just playing pin the, well, never mind, the joke involved body parts and a Cheryl Tiegs poster, I think the rest is best left to the imagination. Unfortunately we grow up and those idolized friends don’t seem as cool anymore, and we don’t seem as needy. Alas, such is the case of Mr. Blade, a decent guy all around, but someone that knows when it’s time to hit the showers.

This entry into the trilogy (man, I want some Twologies, or fourlogies, what’s with threelogies?) finds Blade (good old Wesley Snipes) at a crossroads. Still not making much headroom in his fight against the vampire nation, he has been pegged by the cops as a murderer, thanks in part to a video of Mr. B slaying a vampire’s familiar. Things get worse when Blade’s go to guy, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) leads the feds right to their hideout and despite a valiant fight, Whistler is killed and Blade is captured. Only the people in power at the police station are vamp familiars and it would seem that Blades days of slaying are up. But just as things are at their worst, he is sick over the loss of his surrogate father, shackled, surrounded by vamps, and drugged to the gills, he is rescued by the Nightstalkers, a group of young vampire assassins lead in part by Whistler’s surviving daughter (Jessica audible gulp Biel). Resistant to the idea that this group can help him in his quest to end the vampire race, his mood changes when he learns that the first vampire, Dracula, in the hopes that he will help them to all become day walkers and end their second class citizenship. But old Drac has some plans of his own, and he hasn’t survived for as long as he has by being just another vamp-trasher. And like two trains heading at one another at full speed, the battle between Dracula, the first, and Blade, seemingly the ‘last’ seems destined to happen. May the best vamp win.

Far from a bad film, the fun has run out of Blade. We know his game, we know the battle, and alas, there is nothing new here to really get us going. Sure, it’s interesting to have Dracula, but so what? He is no different than the other dracs in movies and honestly, it was hard to out-do Nomak from the second film. The hell of it with Dracula is that, when he isn’t in Rarrr mode, he is another silly model type. Dracula is still moderately glamorous, and the hell of it is that this rendition of Blade, directed by David Goyer, the man that wrote all three and who has now taken the helm, is more self-aware and more cheeky. But if that’s the case, why the hell isn’t Drac more interesting? Scarier? To me, he’s the big daddy; why not make him an utter, uncontrollable monster. This is the ultimate enemy for Blade, so why not make him just a beast? To make up for a lack of any really original or shocking surprises we have the drool-worthy Ms. Biel and lots of close-ups of her lips and abs, which is swell, but doesn’t really push the film forward. Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King, another Nightstalker IS rather clever though and plays a nice foil to Blade’s solemn attitude. But the villains, among them the usually delightful Parker Posey are pretty useless. They have nothing interesting to say, aren’t menacing, and at this point, the rich vamp thing just seems played out. And hell, you don’t really give a damn about anyone here save for Blade, Whistler’s daughter, and King. The rest of the people are fodder, and that’s a shame as Del Toro crafted some really interesting characters for the second film and considering the same man wrote all three films, it makes me ask – what happened? I wish they would have delved more into the mythos of Dracula or had added to the mythos of the vamps. But, not so much. What might have been a great capper that delved deeper into who Blade his, maybe shown a darker side to him, or made him make some harder choices, is just another action-y horror romp through the land of high fashion vamps.

Well directed for a green director – though the action scenes are a bit too jumpy at times – and adequately acted, this is a pretty by the numbers movie. It won’t win over new fans, but if you were a fan of the first two then you should dig on this one. I liked the film, as did my friends, but none of us was blown away by it. It just didn’t feel like it was more than a re-tread. There’s some great action, some awesome weaponry, and who doesn’t want to ogle Ms. Biel? But we’ve seen this all before. Personally, I liked it. I took it for what it was, didn’t have high expectations, and thought it was fun. I wish it was more than it is, but what can ya say? The series never really aspired to be more than a horror/action hybrid so I suppose it’s not fair to damn it for what it’s not, but man, this one coulda been a lot more than it is.


7 out of 10 Jackasses
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