Lions for Lambs review by Rosie

Lions for Lambs

(Pssst.)

(Psssssssst.)

(Hey you. Yeah, you. Come here. But play it cool. Just act casual, but hurry up. And dont look at me!)

Are you ready to have your mind blown, man? I mean blown to the bone, man? Well, I got it for you. I got some secrets here that will make the hair on your neck turn around and start growing back into your skin just to hide from my light, brother. Do you wanna unplug from the matrix and open your eyes for the first time? But you gotta be ready for it. Are you ready for it? Cause once theyre open, theyre gonna be two new 7/11s, brother never closed.

You see this here? Looks like a regular DVD, right? WRONG! Wrong. Wrong like Donkey Kong, my man. Its called Lions for Lambs, and its the tape the government doesnt want you to see. Because right here on this little piece of plastic is the truth behind all the lies that the military-industrial complex running this country has been suckling you on for years now. For instance, did you know that our own government launched the war in Iraq based on (looking side-to-side to make sure the coast is clear) unreliable information? Im serious. And huh? Oh you did? Well, uh, ok then. But check this, what if I told you that during the time leading up to the war, the media (looking around again) didnt ask all the hard questions? WHAT? Right, its like, wha at? The media, man! Theyre in on it, too. And its all right here, man, it is ALL right here.

Lucky for us though there are still a few true patriots left out there to speak the truth. Im talking about Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and Mr. Thomas The Light Upon Us Cruise. They found a way to circumvent the system to tell the people all the things the thought police doesnt want you to know. You see, they got together and put out this movie here about a college professor (Redford), a magazine reporter (Streep) and a U.S. Senator (Cruise). (Yeah, I can talk in parentheses. Try to wrap your mind around that, Jack.) Or at least, thats what its supposed to be about. But if you pay attention real close, youll start to hear the truth like a coded message woven into the dialogue for those who are ready to accept it. You need a chair, man? I know this is a heavy load.

The truth about everything, man, EVERYTHING. Did you know that there are some politicians in our own government right now who would (low whisper) give evasive answers to difficult questions? Man, Im telling you, its happening right now. RIGHT NOW! And its all right here. Robert Redford plays a college professor who tells it like it is like it really is, man. About all kinds of things, like how military recruiting disproportionately targets (writing it down on a notepad to show you) poor and lower middle-class neighborhoods. And Meryl Streep gets inside the black, black soul of the corporate media to shine a light on their bottom-line driven agenda thats shepherding us all to a shallow, mass grave. And Tommy Tommy Cruise, man. If America ever survives the mess were in, your grandchildren will be writing essays about the late, great Mr. Thomas Cruise for the truths he brought to light in his life. Not the least of which will be his bold portrayal of a U.S. Senator in this film who actually makes major political decisions based on (pulling collar up over mouth to foil lip-reading spies) trying to get re-elected. Believe it, brother, believe it.

Hey where are you going, man? What do you mean you knew all that already? What do you mean too little, too late? What is self-satisfying, liberal grandstanding supposed to mean, man? This is the truth, the light and the way! What do you mean pompously condescending, regurgitated talking points? Seriously I dont know what those words mean!

Look, man, all I know is this here is the truth, straight from Hollywood to you with no middle-man. Now are you gonna give me ten bucks for it or not? No, how about five? No? How about you just give me some spare change?

Commie!




4 out of 10 Jackasses
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